thoughts of Shark

Bite#17

2008-01-11T06:36:00.000-08:00

Well here we are. Since my last post I have been divorced, moved twice, got a new job, been in two car accidents, lost my house, got a car repo'ed, declared bankruptcy, started drinking again, had to call the police 4 or 5 time about my ex wife, met a great girl, lost a great friend because of my own stupidness.

I now give about half my pay a month to my ex although we have joint 50% custody of our kids. Ever have to eat a bowl of cereal for dinner or go without just so your kids had something to eat? Or put off rent checks so you might be able to get something for your kids at Christmas? I have been told "you can only go up from here" bullshit every time I hit rock bottom the floor gives way and I fall again.

I still live pure and simple.

Bite #16

2006-03-02T11:02:00.000-08:00

SSDD got a new place and all moved in still trying to get all the basics covered, still fighting the battle on all fronts but that is just the way things are just now. Things are getting interesting,and we shall see what comes of all the hard work that has taken up so much of my time as of late. Just got to keep it all together just a little longer.

"What was that?"

Bite#15

2006-01-10T09:04:00.000-08:00

Been through conciling and was told that I operate on a different level than those around me,no shit lady! But all in all was also told that I have not been over reacting on the issues that have taken up so much of my time as of late. Yeah,wopee,oh well. Work still sucks and I am now in starting up my divorce,I do not wish any ill will toward my ex,in fact I do hope she has a better life than she had. As for me I am a survivor,I live to strive toward a better tomarrow. The trick is to make it to tomarrow! I just hope I could get fired,then I could go to work for someone I know and be happy. And anyone who sees this check out www.survivingtwilight.com it is a book that a good buddy of mine wrote about what happened to us while being over in Iraq. He worte it and had it published out of his own pocket just to tell the world of what was really going on,so please take a look and if you are so inclined order a copy. Now if you have read my blogs from the begining you will know I dont do promotions,nor do I get paid for damn near anything,so I am letting you know I will not get anything paid to me for posting this except giving you all a chance to hear our stories. And that is good enough for me!

"Take my love,take my land,take me where I cannot stand........"

Bite #14

2005-11-28T22:36:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since my last post,and many things have happened. I still talk to my Dad every morning as I wake up, I still work at a lousy job that does not care about the people that works for it,I have been to counseling for my "anger and marriage" issues. I am still broke and getting deeper in debt,the seed money I had made to restart my life was spent by the second month back state-side. I have friends and family alike ask me how I can stay with my wife after all the shit she pulled,I do it for my sons. I had a plan to move with my family and start fresh,new place new jobs,the works.....I even fixed up my house to get it ready to sell,not an easy task with no money,but I did it......Then at the last moment my wife says she is not going to sell the house!!! We already had put down the earnest money on the new place,and were packing up the non-essentials and I get hit with this. That and a run in with a "boss"
made me decide to seek out counseling. All that did was tell me that yes I was justified to feel the way I was and that I had shown great restraint in my actions. One minute I got everything in my life sorted out and ready to go my way and bang!! Here comes the wreaking ball to knock my feet out from under me as well as the ground I was standing on! Fuck the silver lining I just want to see the cloud!

Bite#13

2005-08-15T21:50:00.000-07:00

For the past two days I have been discovering the man who is my father. I went to visit my older brother and his family and possibly find my biological father of whom I knew nothing but a name. One internet search and two phone calls later I found my grandfather and was about two hours away from meeting my new/old Dad.I kept saying "It cant be this easy it just cant!" But it was and now I have a whole new life just open up to my eyes,complete with a wonderful set of new parents and a baby sister! Like I told my Dad for the first time in about two years I can feel my heart again! I was not expecting anything like this at all,we both are still trying to cope with finding ourselves in this new place but I am overjoyed at this personal act of God(that is all I can think that made this happen). We are the same with so many of our strenghts and flaws with enough differences to tell that we are our own people but anyone can tell at a glance that we are father and son. We can not redo the last 25 years but we can and will make the best of the next 25 and more.

Bite#12

2005-08-08T21:46:00.000-07:00

Here we are now that I have been home for 6 months let me tell you what has happened. I went back to my old job which did not realize where I had gone,getting screwed by old job,can barely make my house payment let alone make it on time. People as a whole do not relize what the hell we went through for the past year and a half. I look forward to my drill dates just hoping to see the faces of those I served with. I find myself wondering when I can go back,for there was a real truth to life over there,you woke up and said"I can die today"and if you made it back to sleep when your day was done you said "I can die tonight" Once you face death and accept that it can happen at anytime or place you will find that you have no limits for what you can accomplish. Every day,every mission I looked death right in the face and said "Try your fucking best asshole I'm ready,lets see who walks away this time!" I AM STILL HERE AND LIVING!!!

bite#11

2004-12-29T02:58:00.000-08:00

"I AM SOOO SHORT!!"

That is a term coined by soldiers.It means that their time in one place of duty is almost over and they can then return home for a time.It will be strange to once again be among people that are not trying to shoot at you every day.Or to see my kids by just walking to their room,or just call out to them.It will also be strange to be with my wife after all we have been thru in the past two years.But anything worth doing is worth doing right.The time is coming when I will be able to gather up my family in my arms and show them just how much they mean to me.I know that this blog seams a little off the normal rant,but Omni Mutainus(Everything Changes) and while it is not always for the better without change we stagnate and decay.

Bite#10

2004-11-21T23:54:00.000-08:00

In this day and age we pride ourselves in being tolorant of our differances,we make it a point to show others just how tolorant we are.And in doing so we show the bigotry in full. We are more tolorant than you,and we have more varity than you.Come on people you do not collect freinds like baseball cards!! They are people each one is uniqe in their own way and they are tossed together in a lump by class,color,religion,and poloitacal veiws! You would think that by now we would judge a person by their actions rather than by their catagory!I heard a quote not that long ago"There are three types of people in this world Dicks,Pussys,and Assholes.Pussys dont like Dicks becuase Dicks fuck Pussys but Dicks also fuck Assholes,which is good for Assholes shit on Pussys and Dicks.Sometimes Pussys get full of shit from being only an inch away form the Asshole.And if you Pussys dont let this Dick fuck that Asshole he is going to shit on us all!"Team America(fuck yeah!)

Bite#9

2004-11-09T21:59:00.000-08:00

RAGE
We all have something or someone that we rage against. Be it a person or a view of mind,there is always one thing that just gets under your skin and rubs you raw. You bear it or not to your own preference,but it remains. Rage...think about what that means for you,how do you Rage? Do you take it out on the wrong people or things? Do you drink it away or use drugs to sedate it? Do you just give in to it and let it rule you? Or do you control it and make it work for you? "The most dangerous person I ever met was the man who had mastered his rage so that he appeared calm in the most intense situations...he had a focus that you wanted no part of!!" We all have the moments when we must decide to give in or fight it. I know what it is like to feed it,control it and unleash the rage at the proper moment. When you let rage overwhelm you,a part of yourself is lost. Do not be confused as thinking of anger no this transcends anger. I used to go away from everyone and everything I knew to let the rage bled off without hurting those I love,sometimes I would not be quick enough or have control enough. If you can not control the rage do not let it build! It just makes you a walking time bomb looking for a place to explode.

Bite#8

2004-10-15T06:56:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that the most odaciuos asshole will find somthing good and make it their own and warp it to their needs?It happens more often than you would like to think.And I for one hate it!Here you are doing what you want and makeing people thoughtful and happy at the same time and some loudmouthed asshole comes along and overcomes the good just to fuck it up,becuase they can not do anything good themselves.The old "if I can't do it why should you!"bullshit!And when you try to protect the good and healing thing that you have they are the ones that protest the loudest about their rights being trampled by you!I would say get a life but they are after yours!

Bite#7

2004-09-22T23:48:00.000-07:00

Why do people have to be assholes?Why do they think they have a right to down trod others for their beliefs?

If everyone took a little time to be courteous to one another what a good place we would have. No it is like a cry out for attention saying look look I am here look at me. We want is a little piece a sanctum where we can just rest and talk of things calmly and with intelligance not some hide and go seek game of importance.The reason for these blogs is so that we have are own voices here saying what we will and people come to us.Not that we force our views on others,if you want to comment fine if not then go with good graces."Do not push your shit off on me Mister,
I ain't buying!"

Bite#6

2004-09-09T03:19:00.000-07:00

There are those that plot against the human race and there are those that wish to save it,the real question is which makes the better sandwiches.Through out history you will find that when someone wants to have the people listen they will give an enncentive like food or money(lobbiests),they will have benefit dinners or formal balls.They will buy your vote with any and all means at thier desposle.And it is called polatics. The weathly stay and make laws and decrees while the poor and mid-class go and fight for them.In this time of coflict there are so many people saying the same things with different words that nobody can honestly say who is right and who is wrong.

Bite#5

2004-09-08T13:09:00.000-07:00

The world goes on despite the efforts of men and madmen.Once more to the brink my friends,once more to laugh in the face of death,once more to smell life on the wind,once more...
This is the end of the world as we know it.. and I feel fine.Of all the thing that I miss I miss my mind the most.Not all who wander are lost.The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.I have a dream.You got mail.

Now out of all of the above which will last into the next century?And be honest.

Bite#4

2004-09-06T23:59:00.000-07:00

Two more of the people I know here have been killed,one was the best of us,the other our smile.
They died in a motar attack.And last night my truck broke down,taking away my chance for vengance,for now.Do not worry for me my name means "Suvivor"and that is what I am.One day I will swim in the warm waters of home,but for now I will strike fear and death into all that oppose me and try to take my friends.It is true that I do not see myself as a leader,just a man that goes to do a job and somtimes people come with me.There is a weak side to us all,some are just harder to find than others.Carpe deam' for the night comes for us all.Rage rage against the dying of the light.

Bite#3

2004-09-04T02:54:00.000-07:00

The world is going to Hell and I am driving the bus. That is with me everyday,it is on my gun-truck. It is true,if we as a people can not stick together in front of a common enemy then how are we to survive after the wars of public are done. Socity as a whole is sick and is going to die well before its time. Remember it only takes a moment to be polite,even when robbing someone. Say please and thank you ,and mean it. I have been rude,crude and at times an ass now I am true,I am as I am as I will be.People who have talked to me in person often say that I am not"normal"in the way I think,but what if that is what is needed to just understand what is happening around you ,to see what is hidden in plane sight.

Bite#2

2004-08-31T01:26:00.000-07:00

The forces around us fight in the way of the wind.pulling pushing,not caring who or what is in their path.Yet we try to remain as stones in the wind and slowly we deterate.That is way we must keep our edge,to break the force,to give shelter to others.For that is the most noble thing that you can do,put others before yourself without some form of payment or praise.

Bite #1

2004-08-26T10:53:00.000-07:00

To all of those who wish to keep me silent,never,never shall my voice stop while I draw breath.
The mighty may fall,the stone will crumble,the seas will dry,yet my will remains.